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Back in 1987, the NFL football players went on strike. The owners, in a bid to crush the strike, chose to play four games with replacement players, guys who had played football in college but never really made it in the pros. Recruited from all walks of life--including convenience stores, gas stations, and factories--they were either scabs or second-chance Charlies, depending on your point of view.

Hollywood's outlook, which may or may not be related to its own upcoming battle with the writers' union, is that these guys were heroes. Akin to the childhood fantasy of being plucked out of the bleachers to play shortstop, they personify the chance to live out the impossible dream. Or so The Replacements, a new movie starring Keanu Reeves, would have us think.

An entire article could be written on the movie's attitude towards the unionized pros (which is to treat them as selfish, boorish idiots who've forgotten why they play the game) or towards the labor movement in general, but that would be giving The Replacements too much credit. While the movie reflects big media's typical contempt for labor, that is probably more a reflection on high-paid athletes than the guy on the factory line.

The Replacements, no relation to the band of the same name (though that would be cool), is a standard sports movie. Following the playbook to the letter, we have Shane Falco (Reeves, Matrix), a quarterback who could've been somebody but was forever ruined by one bad game. But thanks to a benevolent coach (Gene Hackman), he's getting another shot. Also getting a second break are a speedy wide receiver who can't catch the ball (that is a problem), a Welsh soccer player trying to cover his debts, a born-again Christian, a sumo-wrestler-turned-football-player, and a deaf tight end. If this isn't the football equivalent of the Bad News Bears, I don't know what is.

There's also beautiful head cheerleader Annabelle Farrell (Brooke Langton, Melrose Place), who states emphatically, "I don't date football players, especially quarterbacks." That she and Falco will get together by the end of the second act should surprise no one who stays awake that long. The movie's plot is more obvious than a Love Boat episode. Early on, we discover that the Sentinels (that's the team) need to win three out of their last four games to make the playoffs. Again, only the braindead couldn't figure out that that means they'll lose their first game and ...well, I wouldn't want to give away the ending.

The Replacements, for its many faults, at least is good-natured. Hackman and Reeves are good in their scenes together, and the cast of clowns backing them up has charisma, even if they're playing to the back row. For the oglers in the audience, there are numerous shots of the Sentinel cheerleaders (all recruited from a local strip club). And any movie that features Gloria Gaynor's great "I Will Survive" can't be all bad. Unfortunately, the rest of John Debney's score is pure corn.

This movie reminds me a lot of its own story. A good-natured but clearly second-rate cast (what is Hackman doing in this piece of fluff?) is playing a good-natured but clearly second-rate team. They're trying their hardest to win, but the only reason they have any chance of success is if they're playing against other replacement teams. August: the month of replacement movies.

by J. Robert Parks