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A few years ago, Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler burst onto the scene (courtesy of an Aerosmith video) as conniving jailbait using their feminine wiles to drive men wild. Though Alicia has vanished from Entertainment
Tonight's radar, Liv has prospered in a variety of roles and movies. Up until now, however, they've all been supporting parts or little-seen films. But in One Night at McCool's, she's the star, where she plays conniving
jailbait using her feminine wiles to drive men wild.

Technically, it's not quite jailbait anymore, but the difference in ages between Liv and her male pursuers (Matt Dillon, Paul Reiser, John Goodman) still makes it somewhat unseemly. We first see Jewel (Tyler) in a stunning red dress with a hint of a black push-up bra. She's apparently gotten into a fight with her tattooed boyfriend. Randy (Dillon, There's Something About Mary), a local bartender, comes to her rescue. This quickly leads to a session of sweaty sex and then to armed robbery. Whoa!

You see, Jewel is a bit of a con-artist. She dreams of a big house with lots of stuff inside, and she's discovered that men will do almost anything she asks. She shows some skin, hops into bed, and then coolly suggests
she'd really like a big-screen tv with a DVD player. The men, putty in her hands, blubber affirmatively.

Jewel initially hooks up with Randy, but his lack of employment (he's soon fired from the bar) sours the relationship. Along comes Randy's cousin Carl (Reiser, tv's Mad About You), a high-falutin' lawyer with a penchant for leather and whips. Though he's married with kids, he falls for Jewel as quickly as he can unbutton his pants. John Goodman plays Detective Dehling (Raising Arizona), who's investigating a murder that Jewel's committed. He
considers Jewel to be the paragon of virtue, although not so pure that she won't sleep with him.

Cultural critics should take note that Tyler is a far cry from the skinny-as-a-twig beauty that's become the norm in Hollywood these days (yes, that's you, Kate Hudson and Gwenyth Paltrow). Sure, she has the breathy, high-pitched voice of a naughty schoolgirl, but she also has real curves, so much so that she seems to invoke Rita Hayworth every now and then. If the movie weren't so intent on objectifying her body, I'd say we were making progress. As it is, I don't think I've seen that many cleavage shots since Pamela Anderson left Baywatch. And a ludicrous scene where Jewel washes a car in a purple slip goes on so long it crosses the line from parody to Playboy video material.

To the movie's (dis) credit, the men don't fare any better. They're lecherous, stupid, and obsessed with the dream of the perfect bimbo. Worse, each one performs ridiculous stunts in the hope of keeping the fantasy alive. This leads Randy to commit numerous crimes, Detective Dehling to destroy evidence, and, maybe worst of all, Carl to dress up in leather and chains for the last half of the film. Mad About You, indeed.

The only male figure who escapes with his dignity even remotely intact is Mr. Burmeister (Michael Douglas, Traffic), though his haircut and wardrobe are strangely reminiscent of Henry Gibson in Nashville. No, that's not a
good thing.

I believe McCool's wants to be a comedy, and yet it has the significant drawback of never being funny. Sure, Michael Douglas provokes some chuckles when he turns up in a bingo hall, and the sight of John Goodman and Paul Reiser dressed up like the Village People produces some laughs. But much of the movie consists of three men doing stupid things and one young woman in various stages of undress (though never all the way, I should point out). Sure, the four actors are fairly agreeable, but the story doesn't give them much to work with; and the film's conclusion is a bizarre mix of crass humor and bullet-spraying violence.

The movie should've been called Butt, Boobs, and Burglary. Then, at least the title would've been good. 

J. Robert Parks 5/18/2001