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You have to feel sorry for the Mummy. All he ever wanted in life (and the afterlife) was a girlfriend. So what if he sucks the life out of people, uses his powers to create deadly sandstorms and floods, and attempts to kill everyone that gets in his way? Love will make you do funny things.

In The Mummy Returns, Im-Ho-Tep comes back from the dead, attempts to resurrect his lover from Ancient Egypt, and tries to rule the world all over again. Is it just me, or is there a pattern here?

It seems our main baddy has not learned from his mistakes. If I was he, I would try and stay away from the O'Connell's as much as possible on my next campaign for world denomination, after they already killed me once. Instead, he ticks them off and kidnaps their son, thus sending them on a rescue mission. Oh, and by the way, this time he plans on ruling the world by killing some other Ancient Egyptian bad guy, who goes by the name "The Scorpion King," then ruling his army from hell.

But, really, who cares about the plot? This series is not about logic and good character developments. It's just one big enjoyable roller-coaster ride. Yes, there are major plot holes. Yes, there are feats that could have never been pulled off in reality. And, yes, when you think about it, the whole idea is ridiculous. But, even still, you end up liking it and coming out of the theater with a smile on your face.

For those of you who are going to see this movie just to see "The Rock," you can leave after the first five minutes. That's all the screen-time he has. He beats up a few people, walks around in the desert, and screams one line in Egyptian. if you translated it, I bet he's saying "Do you smell what the Scorpion King is cooking?!?"

Adam Duckworth 5/28/2001