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The name, and a few of the details included in the following letter have been altered to protect the confidentiality of  "Jack Frost," the troubled musically minded man who is about to bare his soul.

Dear Dr. B.L.T.  

Dear Dr. B.L.T.  I've recently joined a new band and I'm on the verge of really making it happen this year. We've already been approached by some big labels and who knows what the New Year could bring? I love life more than ever right now and I'm going to celebrate while I'm still young. I've played in a lot of Christian bands before, and they were great guys and everything, but they didn't know how to really loosen up and have a good time. I would describe myself as a social, recreational drug user, but lately everyone, including my religious freak of a girlfriend, has been getting on my case just because of what I refer to as my "ice cream habit." I'm sorry, but life is too short to be Nancy Reagan. What's Thanksgiving without a little wacky tobacky? What's a Christmas cake without a little icing? Now I ask you, Doc, do I sound addicted to you?
Jack Frost
 
Dear Jack Frost: 
 
Thanks for your letter. The short answer would be: Yes, you do sound addicted. Those around you, including the caring woman in your life that I'm sure you've unfairly labeled a "religious freak of a girlfriend," are clearly offering you a red flag. Always open your mind to the perceptions of others, even if they clash with those of your own. I could be wrong, but you sound more addicted than anyone I've come across in a long time. Still, I'm sure there is much more to you than meets the eye. I don't agree with the NA/AA practice of everyone introducing him or her self with the line "Hi, I am ____________, and I'm an addict (or, alcoholic as the case may be)." The 'Hi' part is OK, (although it may be more appropriately spelled High,)" but the remainder of the greeting has got to go. You are much more than the sum total of your addictions. I would prefer a line like "I am addicted." 
 
I promise shrink-rapped advice for a song, and this is the song I tailored just for you. Try it on for size and see if it applies:
 
NA Stands for Not Applicable (Christmas Song for a drug fiend's "friend") words and music by Dr. B.L.T. 2003
 
One more cup of coffee 
Then I'll pick you up 
I'll be driving in denial 
My brand new pick-up truck 
I'll put it in reverse and have a cigarette 
To put my mind at ease 
NA stands for Not Applicable 
'Cause it doesn't apply to me
 
Spike my 13th eggnog 
I don't need it strong 
I'll be pickin' up my buddy 
And it won't be long 
Until his NA meeting's over 
And I pick up this drug infested fiend 
NA stands for Not Applicable '
cause it doesn't apply to me...
 
Christmas just ain't Christmas 
Without the jug of brandy 'neath my tree 
And I bet even Santa smokes a little ganja 
If you know just what I mean
 
One more cup of coffee 
Then I'll pick you up 
I'll be driving in denial 
My brand new pick-up truck 
I'll put it in reverse and have a cigarette 
To put my mind at ease 
NA stands for Not Applicable 
'Cause it doesn't apply to me
 
There you have it. If the song fits, wear it. Start with a humble admission that you are addicted, and then, sedulously seek out treatment. It's the best Christmas present you could possibly give yourself this year. You may initially fail in your efforts to get off of drugs, but don't let yourself get discourage, and don't let anyone condemn you.
 
I am also addicted, although my particular form of addiction may not carry the same level of severity in terms of consequences. I am not addicted to getting stoned, but rather, to getting "sconed" on Starbucks Maple Oat Nut Scones. Add a little coffee to the mix and you've got one heck of a reason to start your day on a happy note. And while some have graciously compared me to Bob Dylan, I don't go around singing "everybody must get sconed." But I am often in denial about my scone addiction, as you apparently are about your drug addiction.
 
To those who were about to stone a sexually promiscuous woman, Jesus declare, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Then Jesus turned to the woman and said, "Go, and sin no more." In this case, it might be tempting to say: Let him who has never been stoned cast the first stone, or, in my case, Let him who has never been 'sconed' cast the first stone. But I don't want to alter the precious words of my Lord and Savior, and, in the process, make light of them. As an alternative, I simply wish you a white Christmas! On second thought, that might not be the best choice of words in this case either. So I'll leave you with this simple, plebian greeting: Have a clean Christmas and a sober New Year!

Dr. BLT

P.S. I wish you and your band overwhelming success.  Congratulations on your success so far!   

E-mail letters to Dr. BLT at drblt@drblt.com