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You might not realize this, but movies can be surprisingly educational. For example, did you know that supernatural monsters may be all-powerful (and prevalent), but they can be easily thwarted by a celebrity with a heart of gold. I've also learned that a bad guy can shoot a hundred bullets and miss every time, but the good guy never misses. So if you happen to be caught in a shoot-out, make sure you're the good guy. Finally, it has recently come to my attention that every man in America has dated a woman for money. Except me.

Take the two examples of LL Cool J and Matthew McConaughey. They're both good-looking guys with talent to spare. And yet when the chance comes along to date women for financial gain, they're all over that. Of course, it doesn't hurt that the women in question are Gabrielle Union and Kate Hudson. But Gabrielle's beauty doesn't cause LL to lower his price in the new movie Deliver Us from Eva. He's still asking for $5000 plus expenses. I must find a way to get in on this racket.

The idea of guys betting on whether the Alpha Male can get some stand-offish beauty to go out with him has been a staple of teen comedies in the last several years. But I put up with that nonsense in teenagers, because I figure 15-year-old guys might actually be that stupid. So it's depressing to find that the plot device has actually made it into more adult fare, or at least movies that involve adults.

For starters, it's a predictable plot that allows for very few detours. The woman must be both beautiful (or potentially beautiful) and flawed in such a way that she's depressingly single. Because, as you also have learned from movies, beautiful people are never single. In Gabrielle's case, it's because she's a controlling witch, who not only castrates every male in her life but rules over her three younger sisters and their unfortunate husbands. Her profession is as a health-care inspector, and it's safe to say not many restaurants are allowed to stay open when she's on the job. 

But of course, there's no romance in the romantic comedy if our stud (whose name appropriately stands for Ladies Love Cool James) doesn't have some success with his target. So this story must always include an interesting if prickly first date, a better second date, and a very good third date if you know what I mean. And lo and behold, our man of the hour finds himself surprised by love. Having won the bet, he's free to leave. Indeed, sometimes the conditions of the wager demand that he dump the girl. But there's something about her that's different, because he's a changed man.

Now this boy-checks-out-girl, boy-pursues-girl, boy-beds-girl is one of the oldest stories in life, so to see it repeated on the big screen is no crime. No, what's bad about this plot line is what comes next. You see, though our man has made a lifestyle out of cheating and deceit, he can't continue the ruse anymore. In fact, he has to come clean about the whole sordid story. And this is where this style of romantic comedy always gets painful. There's the obligatory face slap from the woman, though Gabrielle's character gives a full right hook. That's followed by a piece of her mind, and then she storms out. Then the really awful part ensues--what I call the depressing montage. We see our heroes in various stages of sadness and melancholy, as they ponder what they've lost. Or maybe they're just depressed by the irritating song that's always playing on the soundtrack. I know I am. But of course, our heroes were made for each other. So after their obligatory penance, the main man humiliates himself in some fashion which so moves the woman that she throws away her pride and allows herself to be won (over). Oops, I just gave away the ending. Ha ha ha. That's only a give-away if you're young enough to think that Pokemon is quality entertainment. 

So if the story and even the characters are set in stone, we're only left with sheer star power to save the day. Fortunately, Deliver Us from Eva has that. This movie is a coming-out party for Gabrielle Union (_Bring It On_) and she takes full advantage. Her line deliveries in her witchy moments are fantastic, and her romantic scenes, where she turns on the charm, are completely beguiling. Despite the flatness of her character, I believed her every second. And rapper/tv star LL Cool J is surprisingly strong as well. True, his sad scenes are depressing for many reasons, but he's got a great smile and enough charisma to heat a whole house. So when it's just him and Gabrielle, Deliver Us from Eva definitely delivers the goods. 

Unfortunately, the supporting cast isn't anywhere near as compelling. I'll remember Meagan Good's character for the incredibly tight, low-rider jeans she's always wearing, but her baby sister act gets old quickly. And the trio of husbands, who should provide the comic relief, instead seem to have gone to the Hugh-Grant school of acting but learned all the wrong lessons. Their foppish, put-upon portrayals are simply awful, reducing the movie to some miserable sit-com every time they open their mouths. Even the goofy sidekicks--here a brassy hairdresser and the obligatory gay character--don't contribute much. But it's a story about Gabrielle and LL Cool J, and they're good enough to overcome their co-stars' faults. Now if only they could get a better script. And if only I could find someone to make a bet with me. 

J. Robert Parks 2/22/2002