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A Little Bit Rock 'n' Roll: 
An Evening with the Osmond Brothers at the Crystal Palace 
Saturday, April 24, 2004 
By  Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. B.L.T., The Rock Doc 
 
It was a truly entertaining evening.  It was the evening that caused me to take a stroll down memory lane. I remember being completely delighted as a young child, by the Osmond Brothers as featured guests on the old Andy Williams Christmas specials.   What harmony!  What showmanship!  What charm!

I remember when these fellas used to back up Donnie and Marie Osmond in a late 60s/early 70s variety show. At that time, the Osmonds were bubblegum sensations that graced the pages of every teeny-bopper magazine in the nation, and indeed, around the world.  They were right up there with Bobby Sherman, The Monkees, The Partridge Family, and The Archies.  But unlike some of the aforementioned, there was not one member of the group that was lacking in talent.  Of course Donnie was to the Osmonds as Michael Jackson was to the Jackson 5.
 
When the Osmonds began the gradual descent from their nexus, marketing experts decided to break them up into two smaller packages and try to sell them that way.  The smaller, and yet, what would become the biggest of the "smaller packages," was the brother-sister charm juggernaut-Donnie and Marie. What I remember most was Donnie and Marie's signature duet, containing the signature lines, "I'm a little bit country, and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll." 
 
That hook is useful in describing the show.  The boys seamlessly integrated themselves into a full "pop-rock-country" band yet they had much more than music to offer. It was a variety show, of the most entertaining variety.  Shamelessly corny jokes were effortlessly produced by "Crazy Wayne," the oldest member of the original Osmond Brothers line-up.  While his jokes may have produced a few grimaces, I witnessed mostly guffaws.  Some of the jokes were self-defacing, like the one where he said someone asked him:  "So, is it boxers or briefs?" and he replied, "Depends."  
 
But boxers, briefs, or Depends, these boys proved that they were growing old gracefully, with no outward no sign of decrepitude.  The energy and fun was abundant, at least for the duration of the show.
 
The show lasted only an hour, which was a shame.  The hour was packed with great hits like “Down by the Lazy River,” “Love Me for a Reason,” and “Back on the Road Again” but the highlight of the show was what I refer to as the "Osmond Brothers' ‘Other Brothers’ Medley.” This incorporated deftly delivered, seamlessly sequenced fragments of hits from the Mills Brothers, the Everly Brothers, the Gatlin Brothers, the Statler Brothers, the Brothers Gibb (aka The Bee Gees),  and the Jackson 5.  
 
The show put the "a little bit" in "a little bit country" and the "a little bit" in "a little bit rock 'n' roll."  It was  shorter than the "short skirt" in Cake's “Short Skirt/Long Jacket.” 
 
The show was shorter than the number of non-vulgar words in any given song by rapper, Too Short. I'm sure that by now, you get the picture, and they get the hint.  Too much of a good thing may be bad, but this was a good thing, and there just wasn't enough of it to go around.  I was tempted to complain about the short nature of the show, but when I met Merrill Osmond, secured a photo with him, along with an autograph, I had become biased and decided to withdraw most of my criticism of that small aspect of the show.   In summary, the show was short and sweet, but oh, how sweet it was!
 
Addendum:
 
Just a few weeks prior to the Osmond's show at the Crystal Palace, I was observing Josh Turner on the very same Crystal Palace stage, passionately and poignantly singing:

...If you've got your momma there
You oughta thank her everyday
For nursin' all your colds and
Sittin' up when you'd stay out late
Now all her hair is grey, and every year she's not as strong
One of these days before too long

She'll go on you
Before you turn around
And it's so lonely watchin' that
Fast train leavin' town
Better cherish her every second of your life
Cause before you get the chance to goodbye
She'll go on you... 
Josh Turner, from the CD Long Black Train 


On Mother's Day, May 9, 2004, just a couple of weeks after the Osmond Brothers performance at the Crystal Palace in Bakersfield, California, Olive D. Osmond, 79 year-old mother of the Osmonds, passed away.
 
 From what I understand, the Osmond family is made up of deeply caring individuals who cherish one another. I have no doubt that they deeply cherished their mother. Now they are left with only their memories of her to cherish, along with her enduring spirit.  
 
So, with the knowledge that artists occasionally come across reviews of their work and read them, I would like to take a moment to express my heart-felt sympathy to members of the Osmond family.  May God be with you as you celebrate her life and mourn over the physical separation from her-a trying separation that you must endure until one day when you will be reunited with her in heaven.  I understand that you are all living testimonies of your mother's devotion to motherhood, and to her remarkably successful accomplishments as a nurturing, loving, God-fearing mother of nine wonderful, talented children.     

The loss of Mrs. Olive D. Osmond puts the whole show at the Crystal Palace in perspective.  As I reflect upon those magic moments in which they shared their souls with the audience, it is their love for life celebrated in song that stands out as the most noteworthy aspect of their presence, and their performance.
 

 
 

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