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A
Little Bit Rock 'n' Roll:
An Evening with the Osmond
Brothers at the Crystal Palace
Saturday, April 24, 2004
By Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen,
aka Dr. B.L.T., The Rock Doc
It was a truly entertaining
evening. It was the evening that caused me to take a stroll down
memory lane. I remember being completely delighted as a young child, by
the Osmond Brothers as featured guests on the old Andy Williams Christmas
specials. What harmony! What showmanship! What
charm!
I remember when these fellas
used to back up Donnie and Marie Osmond in a late 60s/early 70s variety
show. At that time, the Osmonds were bubblegum sensations that graced the
pages of every teeny-bopper magazine in the nation, and indeed, around
the world. They were right up there with Bobby Sherman, The Monkees,
The Partridge Family, and The Archies. But unlike some of the aforementioned,
there was not one member of the group that was lacking in talent.
Of course Donnie was to the Osmonds as Michael Jackson was to the Jackson
5.
When the Osmonds began the
gradual descent from their nexus, marketing experts decided to break them
up into two smaller packages and try to sell them that way. The smaller,
and yet, what would become the biggest of the "smaller packages," was the
brother-sister charm juggernaut-Donnie and Marie. What I remember most
was Donnie and Marie's signature duet, containing the signature lines,
"I'm a little bit country, and I'm a little bit rock 'n' roll."
That hook is useful in describing
the show. The boys seamlessly integrated themselves into a full "pop-rock-country"
band yet they had much more than music to offer. It was a variety show,
of the most entertaining variety. Shamelessly corny jokes were effortlessly
produced by "Crazy Wayne," the oldest member of the original Osmond Brothers
line-up. While his jokes may have produced a few grimaces, I witnessed
mostly guffaws. Some of the jokes were self-defacing, like the one
where he said someone asked him: "So, is it boxers or briefs?" and
he replied, "Depends."
But boxers, briefs, or Depends,
these boys proved that they were growing old gracefully, with no outward
no sign of decrepitude. The energy and fun was abundant, at least
for the duration of the show.
The show lasted only an
hour, which was a shame. The hour was packed with great hits like
“Down by the Lazy River,” “Love Me for a Reason,” and “Back on the Road
Again” but the highlight of the show was what I refer to as the "Osmond
Brothers' ‘Other Brothers’ Medley.” This incorporated deftly delivered,
seamlessly sequenced fragments of hits from the Mills Brothers, the Everly
Brothers, the Gatlin Brothers, the Statler Brothers, the Brothers Gibb
(aka The Bee Gees), and the Jackson 5.
The show put the "a little
bit" in "a little bit country" and the "a little bit" in "a little bit
rock 'n' roll." It was shorter than the "short skirt" in Cake's
“Short Skirt/Long Jacket.”
The show was shorter than
the number of non-vulgar words in any given song by rapper, Too Short.
I'm sure that by now, you get the picture, and they get the hint.
Too much of a good thing may be bad, but this was a good thing, and there
just wasn't enough of it to go around. I was tempted to complain
about the short nature of the show, but when I met Merrill Osmond, secured
a photo with him, along with an autograph, I had become biased and decided
to withdraw most of my criticism of that small aspect of the show.
In summary, the show was short and sweet, but oh, how sweet it was!
Addendum:
Just a few weeks prior to
the Osmond's show at the Crystal Palace, I was observing Josh Turner on
the very same Crystal Palace stage, passionately and poignantly singing:
...If you've
got your momma there
You oughta thank her
everyday
For nursin' all your
colds and
Sittin' up when you'd
stay out late
Now all her hair is grey,
and every year she's not as strong
One of these days before
too long
She'll go on you
Before you turn around
And it's so lonely watchin'
that
Fast train leavin' town
Better cherish her every
second of your life
Cause before you get
the chance to goodbye
She'll go on you...
Josh Turner, from the CD
Long Black
Train
On Mother's Day, May
9, 2004, just a couple of weeks after the Osmond Brothers performance at
the Crystal Palace in Bakersfield, California, Olive D. Osmond, 79 year-old
mother of the Osmonds, passed away.
From what I understand,
the Osmond family is made up of deeply caring individuals who cherish one
another. I have no doubt that they deeply cherished their mother. Now they
are left with only their memories of her to cherish, along with her enduring
spirit.
So, with the knowledge that
artists occasionally come across reviews of their work and read them, I
would like to take a moment to express my heart-felt sympathy to members
of the Osmond family. May God be with you as you celebrate her life
and mourn over the physical separation from her-a trying separation that
you must endure until one day when you will be reunited with her in heaven.
I understand that you are all living testimonies of your mother's devotion
to motherhood, and to her remarkably successful accomplishments as a nurturing,
loving, God-fearing mother of nine wonderful, talented children.
The loss of Mrs. Olive D.
Osmond puts the whole show at the Crystal Palace in perspective.
As I reflect upon those magic moments in which they shared their souls
with the audience, it is their love for life celebrated in song that stands
out as the most noteworthy aspect of their presence, and their performance.
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