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The following inquiry has been paraphrased, with certain details omitted and/or altered to protect the confidentiality of the subject.

Ask the Rock Doc 
Sound Advice for the Musically Minded 
by psychologist, Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. B.L.T., The Rock Doc 

Dear Dr. B.L.T.: 

Hi, my name is Hal.  I'm an alcoholic---big time.  I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I love to drink and have no desire to give it up.  Life is short, you die, and you might as well just fly by, and have a good time along the way.  I just turned twenty.  I used to be a real Bible-thumping believer back in my freshman year of high school.  I got converted by attending a Halloween party for teens put on by my church.  They got the idea from Youth for Christ who does Scream in the Dark every year.  This wasn't your typical Scream in the Dark event.  These Christian kids got together and decided they were going to show us what hell was like, and then try to convert us after it was all over.  It wasn't the haunted house, but rather, the sermon that followed, that scared the hell out of me.  I was always fascinated by hell.  It actually seemed like kind of a cool place to go (well, not temperature-wise), but not after that sermon I heard.  I decided then and there that I was much better off in heaven.  My conversion didn't last for long though, not more than about one year.  I was some kind of Christian! I went to church and the whole bit, but I got bored and turned off by all of the judgmental hypocrites in church.  I am now what folks call a Gothic Groupie.  Yep, I've got the black finger nails (toe nails, too), and I wear the black, lacey shirts, and all of the traditional Gothic attire.  I'm into bands like Mission (UK), Lady Cadaver, the Serpenteens, and Dreadful Sorrows.  
 
Like I said, I used to be a church-going believer.  That was until I met this woman who got me into the Gothic scene.  She was married (still is) and has children.  I met her in a Gothic club in Chicago.  She seemed very strange and mysterious and this is what attracted me to her.  I was 18, just graduated from High School, and was basically without a job, without motivation, and without a sense of who I was.  I am an Asian American and adopted. I have no idea who my parents are and know nothing about my pre-adoption period.  I guess I kind of looked up to this married woman as a mother figure.  She started out to be very nurturing and fun, but then her dark side started coming out.  First she mentioned that she used to be a hooker, and that kind of scared me.  At the same time, it was dangerous and so it attracted me.  Then I began to I see in her a rage that was so powerful that words can't describe it.  She had a sort of sadistic need to verbally abuse me every time she became depressed and this happened at least once a week and sometimes it lasted for several weeks at a time.  Being around her became depressing.  Many times she threatened to kill herself if I left.  I started getting more depressed and drinking more.  Even her kids brought me down.  I never saw her husband and she never spoke of him.  I broke it off at one point, but got sucked right back into the relationship, and now it seems I just don't have the will power to end it.   

Hal 

Dear Hal. O. Wean: 

I call you Hal O. Ween because you are drawn to evil and darkness, and because it is imperative that you wean yourself from the woman you've described to me. You never mentioned the name of the married woman that you're addicted to, so I'll call her Mrs. Pain. She reminds me of a fictional character I titled a song after named Mrs. Pain. I used her as a metaphor for depression. Like the woman you described, she brought everyone around her down.  Here are some of the words:
 
...She had a song named "Sorrow," 
And she had a son named "Shame" 
She had a daughter named "Damsel in Distress" 
And her nickname was : "Insane" 
She had a dog named "Down in the Dumps" 
and a cat named "Catastrophe" 
Fish who swim in a bucket of tears 
And though it may sound strange 
Her name was "Mrs. Pain" 
Yeah, her name was "Mrs. Pain"... 

You are attracted to darkness because of a void in you.  Part of it has to do with your adoption, and the fact that you have no connection to your biological, and thus, your psychological roots.  A healthy sense of identity is extremely difficult to establish and cultivate when you've been adopted.  

While their intentions may have been good, those folks who tried to "convert" you may have used the wrong methods and the wrong motivational techniques to lead you to Christ.  Scaring people with hell, fire and brimstone messages tends to drive people to the Kingdom, instead of leading them, as Christ did, with his love.
 
You are like the man in Plato's allegory of the cave who has been in darkness so long that the light is unbearable to him, and he becomes blind, or, “Blinded by the Light,” as Manfred Mann's Earth Band put it in a song. Freud would say that you are fixated in the oral stage of development, and therefore you have the oral fixation with drinking, and with the mother figure in your life (although, based upon your description of her, she seems more like a monster figure).  You will need help in weaning yourself from this woman I call “Mrs. Pain” (Tom Jones would call her “Daughter of Darkness”).
 
You will need to see a professional therapist, hopefully one who is open to the approach I refer to as psychoPRAYERapy---one who sees the cultivation of a personal relationship with Jesus as crucial to a complete recovery.  If you let me know where you live, I'll try to look one up in your area.  You will need to explore with that therapist all of the childhood issues and present-day pressures, personality traits, and emotional states that contribute to your present dysfunctional state of existence.
 
All though it's not all evil, you might need to take a break from Gothic music, and, especially the Gothic scene right now.  I'm not sure if there is such a thing as Gothic Gospel music, but I know that there are Christian bands like Evanesce that are better for your soul than a lot of those bands that you have described--bands that are also fixated in their oral stage of development (fixation with death and with the womb is basically a fixation with the safety of the womb).  The womb is a dark place, and a place in which the unborn child is in a state of utter oral dependency.  For you, it is easier to return to a womb-like state than to face the harsh realities this world has to delve out, or, so it seems.  To you, it is better off being in a tomb. For you, being dead is easier than facing the dread you face every morning when you wake up.  But the very faith that you seem to have abandoned could sustain you through these difficult times.  Jesus offers light in place of your darkness.
 
Your musical prescription is a copy of the free song I plan to send you (if you provide me a mailing address. When you hear the song, “Mrs. Pain,” reflect on the power of prayer in removing those things and people from our lives who have nothing but darkness to offer.
 
Then pray.  Go out and, with the help of a good therapist, face your demons.  Conquer the darkness with the light of scripture and prayer.  You are not an orphan in God's kingdom.  You may have strayed, but God's love hasn't.  It remains.  All you have to do is to accept it.  The very first solo I sang was in a church I attended at the age of 9.  It was called, “Child of the King.” There is a place for you in His kingdom, and it is in His kingdom that you will find your roots and your identity as a child of God.  

Sincerely, 
Dr. B.L.T. 
The Rock Doc 

If you are a musically-minded person in distress, write Dr. BLT at drblt@drblt.com or visit his website