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Slow down as you approach the gate, and have your change ready....
The BarlowGirl interview continues. The gals who spend more time pursuing God and not other people and are waiting for Him to show them the person they are to marry explain the thinking behind their no-dating lifestyle.
Barlow Girl Interview Part 2
As promised in the first
part of this two part series concerning the chaste rockers BarlowGirl,
we spoke to them about their views concerning sexual purity and the challenges
presented by being in a touring band. Sisters Lauren, Becca and Alyssa
Barlow share their insights with Phantom Tollbooth.
We met these sisters Barlow's their last name,All the boys in the band want a valentine from a Barlow girl,
Boys think they're the bomb 'cause they remind them of their mom."
Lauren said of the song that was penned about the time BarlowGirl was starting to emerge as artists, "It was a huge honor when they (Superchic[k] wrote it (the song) because we took a stand that isn't always going to be accepted by the world. Some of our friends distanced themselves because they asked us, 'does that mean that we are wrong for what we are doing?' We never condemned anyone for what they did, we were just living out our lifestyle." Twenty-year-old Lauren told me that a lot of their friends drifted out of their lives because of their views.
Lauren said that Superchic[k] writing the song represented affirmation for BarlowGirl's views concerning relationships. "It is not a bad thing, it is just something that God has called us to do. We said here is a group of people that respect us for that. It was an honor to have them write that for us. I think they (the friends who backed away) asked whether they were wrong because they were dating. They asked whether or not we would not accept them for what they were doing (dating). We would never ever not accept them because of their lifestyle. You have to love the person. There were other people who said, 'That is good for you girls but I am going to keep living the way that I want to live.' Yes, we did lose friends because of it."
I asked Becca to explain the significance of the purity rings that each of the ladies wear. "We each received our purity rings when we were sixteen years old. The coolest part was mom and dad picked out the rings themselves. They each have a diamond on them. One of the reasons why they thought it was important for us to have a diamond is because the most beautiful diamonds are formed under the most extreme pressure. They told us this life of purity is going to be a challenge but it is what God has for us. If we stick to it and go through it we will be beautiful diamonds on the other end. The day we turned sixteen mom and dad took us out to eat and shared with us their story and how they grew up in their high school years and their college years and how they dated. They were both good kids and didn't mess up or whatever but there was still a lot of brokenness that came into their marriage because of their dating relationships. They shared that with us how their brokenness damaged their marriage and how they could have saved so much heartache if they had waited." She said her parents also taught each of them that they could spend more time pursuing God and not other people and wait for Him to show them the person they were to marry.
Becca continued, "Once they shared their story, each of us cried and realized this is the life God has for us. We studied it together; we read books, sought out what God had for us. God brought along a lot of teaching tapes and books to teach us that He desires that we have a pure heart and to remain pure before Him. One of the ways we can remain pure is by not dating and remaining just friends with guys until we are ready for marriage. He will bring along our spouse for us."
I raised the point to the group that most Christians will understand and endorse their stance concerning sexual purity but may be troubled by their views on dating. Lauren responded, "We don't realize that dating was only invented a couple of hundred years ago. It has just slowly crept into our culture and now it is a normal thing to do. God showed us (we do not have) to do everything the world tells us to. He gave us Romans 12:2, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is."
"He said to us I don't want you to do everything the world wants you to do because I have a different calling upon your lives. He has a different calling upon every single Christian's life but sometimes they are too scared to find out what it is because it might be different from how the world is telling us to live. It's time that we start thinking for ourselves as Christians. It is time that we start asking God how He wants us to live our life. We shouldn't just date because the world tells us to date and we shouldn't dress immodestly and raunchy because the world wants us to. We take everything the world does and we run with it. We do it because we are too scared to question it for ourselves. It involves living a different way and we might not be accepted when we live this way. It is time that we stop trying to please everybody in this world. It's time that we stop looking just like everybody else. If that means we aren't going to date then we are not going to do it."
Lauren made the point, "It's not just for the sake of not conforming to the world. It's not just for the sake of being rebellious, it is because God showed us He never intended for our hearts to be broken by another human being. God created our hearts to be whole and pure until it is time to get married and not to give it (hearts) up to a bunch of different people. These people that we are dating are somebody else's spouse. If I was dating I would be dating other girls' husbands and I do not want to think right now that my husband is dating somebody else's wife. I don't want to think that so God asked us if we were willing to keep our hearts pure and whole the way He created it and not to break it over and over again. We believe that God has a plan for our lives including marriage and we don't have to be afraid to trust God for that. I believe God is going to bring our future spouse to us when it is time, we don't have to look for him."
Lauren told me her brother didn't date and his wife didn't date and they use that as a role model. "God showed them when it was time that they were supposed to be together. They didn't have the kind of baggage that they would have had if they had dated other people. They could say, I saved my heart for you. It might have been hard but it was worth it. You prove to that person that they were worth it (waiting for). That is what I would say to the Christian and the non Christian."
By Joe Montague, exclusive rights reserved
Joe Montague is an internationally
published journalist / photographer. His ministry is dedicated to the memory
of his late son Kent David Montague who went to heaven at the age of 18.
All copyright and distribution rights remain the property of Joe Montague.