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Kim Hill Part II

"Lover of my soul
 Turning me from dust to gold
 Amazed by the wonders of your grace
 Lover of my soul
My shattered life has been made whole"
Marc Byrd and Mark Lee wrote the lyrics for the song "Lover Of My Soul" quoted above but they so poignantly and elegantly describe singer Kim Hill's life.  
"I had a really good life growing up and had great parents. I grew up in a Christian home, attended a Christian school and have lots of great memories of life," she said reflectively in her Memphian drawl. "To jump into a marriage that started off very shaky from day one was not what I thought was supposed to happen to me," she continued.
"I naively thought like a lot of people that you join the Christian club, become a Christian as a kid, do the right things and walk with God and He gives you a great life. That is what I thought I signed up for," said singer/songwriter Kim Hill, a single mom and now several years removed from her divorce. 
For a young woman who had dedicated herself to ministering to others it was shock and awe at its peak. "There were definitely periods when I was angry and asked, 'God where are you? Why would you let this happen to me? Why would you not come and fix this mess?' Even if I had made a mistake and married the wrong person why would He (God) not come and rescue me, help me to fix this," Hill told me.
Although as any single parent will tell you raising two children on your own is neither an easy role nor one that you would wish for, Hill has emerged as a healthy role model for women who have suffered loss in their own lives.
"People ask me how I got through my own personal crisis. (There was a) time when I was really hopeless and went through a season of depression. It was a season when I could barely read my Bible. I could barely pray but the thing that I could do was worship God through music," she says.  Hill says she felt drawn closer to God, "whether I was listening to someone else's music, singing in my car, singing in my house or doing mundane tasks like dishes and laundry. I was reminded that God is bigger than the mess that I was in and that He had not forgotten me."
"There is one worship song that I just love called, "Be Magnified, 'But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong/Heal my heart and show Yourself strong/And in my eyes and with my song/Oh Lord, be magnified,'   she says recalling the lyrics. I think sometimes we get so overwhelmed by our circumstance that we do forget that He is God and can do the impossible. He can help us through unbelievable circumstances. That is how I made it through. It is about worshipping Him. I felt if I could worship Him He would heal me and help me," said Hill.

She had some special Christian friends and a pastor who were there to comfort and counsel her but there was also the disappointing side of the Christian community that just wanted to speculate gossip or pretend nothing had happened. It was out of those experiences that the song "Run Away" from her CD Broken Things was born. The song addresses something Hill encountered, "So many people give lip service and say, 'We really care about what is going on with you' and I am as guilty as anyone because so many times we really don't want to know. Life is very messy. In my situation things were very messy. I think people are trying but I think the church has a really hard time with things that are messy. They don't know what to do with it."
Hill discovered however that even though some (not all) of the people in her life didnít want to face the cold hard reality of her divorce, God was always willing to listen. That realization can be heard in the words to "Run Away".
"When will I get it through my thick head?
 You're the only one who really cares
 You see the one that's real
 When I'm broken
 Trying to heal
 And you don't get scared off 
 You don't run away."
The singer says, "Over and over again I felt that the lesson I learned was I wore everybody out. I wore out the pastors. I wore the counselors out. I wore my friends out. I even felt that I wore my mom out and I didn't think that was possible. The truth that I felt God was saying over and over to me is, "Run to me. I will never ever leave you."
Hill's ministry as a worship leader for women's conferences has given her an opportunity to encourage those who have experience a significant loss in their life. Hill's ministry also extends to sharing with single women who may be tempted to press the panic button because they are getting older while remaining single. "I have now watched several friends marry for the wrong reasons. (They have) married because, 'He seems pretty good, I am almost thirty and I better get married.' There have been a lot of people in my life that I have watched do that. I have watched (some people) marry guys that they knew weren't Christians just because; 'Well I am getting past the point of having a lot of choices so I am going to make this work. I have seen the destruction that it has caused in their lives.'"
"I caution single women that there are a lot worse things than living alone. You may think, 'Maybe it will be worth it.' I haven't met anybody married under that kind of pressure that would tell you to do that," Hill said. 
She shared with me the lives of friends who she watched struggle with their singleness and came to the point in their lives where they realized they are not half of a person because they are single and instead found contentment. About her own life Hill said, "I have really worked on the parts of me that marriage would fill. (It is) an emptiness that only God can fill."
Like any single parent, there have been times when Hill has felt worn out. "I think the biggest challenge for any single parent, male or female is just that it is really hard when you are the only adult. You are the only one doing everything. I get so physically and emotionally exhausted from being mommy and daddy. I have to be the woman nurturer and the disciplinarian. I am trying to be both of those people and figure out which one is more important to be in that moment. (It is difficult) not having someone to hand off to or partner with. To do it by myself has been the biggest challenge of my life. I think that it is hard to be a parent period but I think when you are (a single) parent it is hard ninety percent of the time," she said. 
Songs such as "Lover Of My Soul" and "Shelter" are missives that appear on Broken Things because Hill feels they accurately speak about the love and comfort that she has found in God during recent years. "I think ultimately God has helped me to heal and part of that has (come out of) just me trying to help my children to heal. (After) speaking to and praying over my children at night I would go back to my room and God would whisper those things back to me and say this is what you need to hear too," she said.
"It was truths that I had known since I was a little girl. (It is) some of the simple things such as the Lord is always with you and will never forsake you. (It is reminders) such as the call of God and His gifts are irrevocable and He won't take them back. He is the father to the fatherless and the husband to the husbandless," she said paraphrasing scripture. Continuing to quote scripture she said, "He will redeem the years that the locust has eaten." 
"All those simple truths are the kind of things that healed me and helped me," she said. 
Being a mother to her two sons has been a constant reminder of God's love. "I think of so many times when my kids have made a mess, fallen or hurt themselves because it was their own fault for doing something that I told them not to do. They run to me crying and of course I run to them and help them. Those are the simple things that I think God does a million times more than I do. That always encourages me so much."
Kim Hill's life in some ways may have started out as the poster girl for happiness and contentment as a Christian but it is through the dark valleys that a much deeper ministry than she could have ever imagined was born. 
The singer/songwriter wants you to know, "He loves me not because of what I do or don't do but just because I am his daughter and He loves me in the same way (I love) my kids." 
By Joe Montague, exclusive rights reserved

Joe Montague is an internationally published journalist / photographer. His ministry is dedicated to the memory of his late son Kent David Montague who went to heaven at the age of 18. All copyright and distribution rights remain the property of Joe Montague. 



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