Your Gateway to Music and More from a Christian Perspective
Slow down as you approach the gate, and have your change ready....
the Rock Doc
Sound Advice 4 a Song
By psychologist, Dr Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr BLT
The following correspondance may be altered, in part, to protect the confidentiality of the musician in distress (or friend/family member of a musician) or to more effectively convey an important spiritual and/or psychological principle.
Dear Rock Doc:
I swore I'd never talk about my problems to a shrink and allow some shrink to get in my cool-aid, but since you're in that Cake music video, I guess that makes you a little cooler than most. Also, my parents are religious freaks and they've heard that you're religious. They don't want me going to no atheist or nothing with my problems.
I'm 17 years of age. I'm a white rapper in a hard rock/rap group. I go by the name of 2 Shy. And I guess my problem is that I live up to my nickname. I know that means I'm probably pretty messed up. I'm in love with a girl that seems determined to avoid me. What I don't understand it that I'm not too shy to get on stage and play guitar and scream my lungs out on stage in front of hundreds and sometimes even thousands of people, but I can't even get enough nerve to ask her out.
It's probably not her, my mom tells me I'm in love with love. I've been telling myself that it doesn't have to be her, that it could be anybody, but I seem obsessed with this one girl. Her name is Jillie. She's 16. She dresses kind of punk and has a little bit of an attitude, but that's what I like about her. Dude---can you give me a few tips on how to either win her over or tell myself that I could get by with any of a number of other chicks?
Dear 2 Shy:
Actually, I'm not very religious, so if you had in mind to contact a religious shrink, you may have the wrong person. But God loves me anyway, and God's love, not religion is what has allowed me to be the free person that I am in the process of becoming. So I have a little advice for you, not from the perspective of a religious shrink, but from one who has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
First of all, I'd like to say that being "2 Shy" doesn't necessarily mean that you're "messed up." Because our society rewards independence, assertiveness, and, all too often, aggressiveness, folks get to feeling that if you're a little on the shy side, it automatically means there's something seriously wrong with you. But the Bible says, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." I know that this girl, Jillie is not the earth, but I hope and pray that if the two of you were meant to be together, you will inherit one another as boyfriend and girlfriend. After all, I get the feeling that she's your world. I'm sure your mother is very wise, and I'm sure that she means well when she says you're simply in love with love. She might even be correct, or at least partially correct. But when you repeat that to yourself to many times, you are simply ignoring real feelings that you have for this "chick" as you call her.
I used to be rather shy when I was your age too. When I fell for a certain girl, I'd also tell myself things to protect myself from getting hurt. As an adult, I put those things in a song called What I tell Myself. I'd like to share the song with you, if you'd be interested in hearing it.
What I Tell Myself
Being completely smitten with one particular girl doesn't necessarily mean that you are obsessed. It sounds to me like you are taking experiences that sound quite normal to me, and making them into something abnormal or sick. Being shy doesn't necessarily mean you're sick, and being smitten doesn't either. That's not to say that you are perfectly whole and perfectly together. None of us are. Also, those aspects of our personalities that are positives or strengths are also potentially our weaknesses.
Being shy means you're not going to be getting in someone else's business, or "cool-aid" and that's a good thing. You are not likely to be experienced as obnoxious and you are probably polite and considerate. Many women, even young women, greatly admire these traits. The fact that Jillie has a "little attitude" may suggest that the two of you are opposites. Opposites can either compliment one another or clash. Time will tell which of these turns out to be the case, but at this point, there's no reason to believe that you will clash.
Confidence and courage are what you need in this case. If you feel confident on stage, ask her to one of your shows so she can see that confidence. Then, after the show, take her out for pizza or something. I wouldn't recommend any particular pick-up lines. Just tell her that you admire her and have been wanting to ask her out for quite some time but that you tend to be on the shy side. Tell her Dr BLT thinks being "shy" is one of your greatest qualities.
If you can't see yourself doing any of this, then play it out in your imagination first, and rehearse it in your imagination again and again until you're ready to act upon it. See yourself approaching her with confidence in your shyness, and in all of the good things that shyness brings to a person, and, potentially to a relationship.
She may go out with you, and she may not. But if you never ask her, you'll never know. In the unlikely event that she turns you down, be sure to contact me. We'll decide on Plan B.