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Single Serving: Double Feature: First Feature*
By Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. BLT

A Review of Carrie Underwood's
Song: /Before He Cheats/

Carrie Underwood has become the force to reckon with in country music, and in pop music.

Kelly Clarkson may be the reigning Queen of Pop Rock, but lately Underwood has not only been nipping at her heels, but soaring right by her, even as Clarkson continues to be smack dab in the middle of putting out a stunning series of great, chart-climbing hits.

Yes, Kelly Clarkson clearly knows how to rock from the bottom of her heart, and climb the charts with ease, but with the release of Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood has just proven her prowess as a reigning Queen of Crossover. Her performance of Before He Cheats was, after all, the inspiration for my new parody:

Before She Beats the Next Jeep
Parody lyrics by Dr BLT

Underwood has never been an underdog, and she seems to have more momentum associated with her speeding train of musical acclaim at the moment than Clarkson.

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,
and she's probably getting frisky.
right now he's probably buying her some fruity little drink
cause she can't shoot whiskey.
right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,
showing her how to shoot a combo
and he don't know...

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats.
I took a louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires.
maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

When you Before He Cheats, you really don't have to think about whether or not she's feeling it. As an innocent bystander, when I hear her believably belting out this story of revenge, I am transported directly to the scene of the crime of passion.

It's as if I'm witnessing the whole vehicle-bashing incident and feeling her rage. With these clever lyrics, she vividly depicts her assault on the vehicle.

But the vehicle is not all that gets bashed. Underwood boldly and vehemently bashes the boyfriend, and the new girlfriend she's conjured up in her mad mind, with stinging, truculent words specially selected and tailored for a cheater freshly caught in the act.

Yes, I know they say, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me." But in this case, the old saying simply doesn't apply. The words in this song are so laden with venom that you almost feel your own bones beginning to shatter.

And the extraordinarily crafted, brilliantly produced music does poetic justice to the stellar set of lyrics. She delivers it with depth, clarity and, best of all, its 100% convincing.

I'd give the song a 5 out of 5, and that's a rating I've never given any other song before.



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