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If memory serves, The Polar Express was the first movie on the big screen I reviewed for this esteemed e-zine. And to say I disliked it would be a fair summation of my critical appraisal of this adaptation of a latter-day kid-lit classic.

With the movie's premiere on basic cable and endorsements by friends who are parents who like the film and a seal of approval given by
Chuck Colson on his Breakpoint radio commentary all coinciding with a double-DVD reissue, I thought it could be fun for me to reassess my
initial loathing of what looks to be a Christmas season tradition in the making.

With that in mind, I first watched the bonus features about the making of the movie found on the second disc. To my minor surprise, the fundaments of Express's unique look derive from a 3D computerized animation technique none too dissimilar from that which was used for (ultimately unsuccessful) physical therapy on my cerebral palsy-afflicted left leg. As seen in a couple of the DVD set's special features, multiple-role-playing star Tom Hanks and others riding the Express would act while wearing costumes equipped with little orbs, the motion of which was recorded by a computerized camera into skeletal constrictions of people doing what the characters in the movie eventually do.

Those stick-people were fleshed out first by becoming "Michelin men,"  super the tire company's pudgy mascot, and, later, the characters seen
in the movie proper. And they do bear striking resemblance to the kids and people in the book on which the motion picture's based. Impressive as all that technical ingenuity and loyalty to the source material is, it's still a peculiarly cold viewing experience. Certainly its lesson of faith in Santa Claus and his horde of elfin workers could be analogous to a broader application of believing in Jesus and the much-touted, fuzzily nebulous "magic of Christmas" (hence the movie's Christian market  publicity campaign).

But the animated characters still look like metallic androids, just about human but eerily not quite. Tom Hanks' ubiquity through out the
production only intermittently exudes genuine warmth; his Santa especially still seems to me overly officious. The musical numbers
never attain the memorability of the best moments of Disney's cartoon soundtracks, and yes, the House of Mouse still holds the standard.
And WHAT is Aerosmith--or at least their singer--doing cheesily rocking the North Pole?!

Perhaps if I had children, I would find less fault in this technically ambitious and lovingly constructed work. Or maybe not. As it stands, I shan't be a curmudgeon forcing my opinion down the throats of friends and colleagues for whom this is a resonant cinematic experience.

It's not for me, but if you like it, it won't lower my opinion of you.

Jamie Lee Rake (December 26, 2006)