Your Gateway to Music and More from a Christian Perspective
Slow down as you approach the gate, and have your change ready....
the Rock Doc
By psychologist, Dr. Bruce L. Thiessen, aka Dr. BLT
* Certain details concerning the content of the following communication may be altered to protect the confidentiality of the inquiring party and to more adequately illustrate key psychological and spiritual insights.
Dear Doctor Dude:
I can put pen to paper, but I can't seem to write about my problems. All I write are sad songs. They were about to feature one of my band's music videos on MTV, and, suddenly, I dropped out of the bad, for no reason at all.
Redd, a buddy who works for MTV, suggested that I look up this doc that was in a Cake music video. I did some googling, and found you on that vid, and I found you here at Phantom Tollbooth. I thought I'd give you a shot. Since my friend said you were cool, I figured you probably were. Cool video, by the way. You're a freakin' cult star at my high school, you know.
Anyway, I'm 20 year of age, and I've never had a girlfriend. I'm not freakin' gay, I'm a Christian, sort of, but not into that wait-until-marriage kick, and I'm not even confused about my sexuality. Girls say I'm good looking, but I'll just loose them if I get them. I've lost everything I gained. My mom, a meth head, just took off one day, on my birthday, when I just turned 12. We never saw her again or heard from her.
I got a job in a record store. Lost that. My dad bought me a brand Dodge Hemi sports car. I lost that in a wreck, and it was before we were able to get insurance. I had a chance to see Kiss, when they re-united back in the mid-nineties. I lost my tickets. I'm a huge Kiss fan. I like Kiss almost as much as the Beatles.
It's something I had dreamed about all my life, ever since I heard my dad's records when I was a kid.
Wow, I can't believe I said as much as I did. I've said so few things lately that my friends have been calling me "mum," as a nickname. Actually my name is Jude. That's it, that's all for now. There's a girl I'm crazy about, and she's even someone my parents would approve of. Problem is, I can't talk to her, can't ask her out. Can't do a thing. If feel like a big loser. Have you got a song in your doctor's bag, and have you got some words of advice. I would never off myself, but feel pretty hopeless right now. Help. Please.
Being a fellow Beatles fan, I couldn't help but notice that your last three words are each contained in Beatles song titles: Help, Please Please Me, and Hey Jude. And your name is Jude. How cool is that? Yes, I do have a song for you, and it's perfect. It's my duet cover of the Beatles Hey Jude, featuring 16-year-old Moriah Sprouse.
It's perfect because it's about a guy like you, who is afraid to approach a female, and to take a chance on love. It was written to Julian Lennon by Paul McCartney, who noticed that John Lennon's son was feeling kind of sad and blue, and, apparently was aware of Julian's diffidence with a female. The song is a song of advice. "Take a sad song, and make it better." "You have found her, now go and get her." It is a song about taking risks, of risking your very heart for the sake of finding true love.
The original was super-cool. I hope you find this cover to be cool as well.
Speaking of cool, I'm not sure just how "cool" I am. It gets harder to be cool with every passing year. I get that cult star, or cult hero comment once in awhile, but so far, it hasn't translated into any mainstream hits. I appreciate the props, however.
But maybe being cool, as in, meeting the expectations of others by being cool in their eyes, isn't all it's cracked up to be. The song, Pork and Beans, by Weezer comes to mind.
Sometimes approaching women becomes more difficult when we are telling ourselves the whole time that we must be "cool."
As far as your problems go, I don't diagnose without seeing somebody as a patient, face to face, and possibly administering additional psychological tests. But you asked for help, not for a diagnosis, and that's what I'll try to give.
Help for you, cannot be complete with just this letter. You will need to find a reason to boost your confidence. You will need to discover why you are afraid of abandonment, and why your fears of abandonment prevent you from entering into relationships with women. You are probably as aware as I am that it has something to do with your mother walking away from you the way she did, and never coming back into your life. That must have been (and must still be) incredibly painful and difficult to understand. Closure, for you, may involve excepting that closure in the true sense of the term, is not within reach, and being ultimately okay with that.
These are self-esteem and security issues. Having them doesn't make you uncool, it simply means that your life is complicated, and, often painful because low-self-esteem and feelings of insecurity interfere with your quest to find intimacy.
The rest of what I have to say sounds like a broken record (no pun intended). Surround yourself with support, and reach out. Tell a friend, a professional, a pastor, what's going on. Share your pain with those whom you trust. It will ease your pain and render you more ready to take those necessary risks to find true love.
I hope it all goes well. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
If you're a musician in distress, or a friend or family member of one, email Dr. BLT (that's me) at: email@example.com