The fall 1999 movie season has already produced a number of innovative, even wildly creative, films. From the surreal Being John Malkovich to the magisterial Straight Story, from the audacious American Beauty to the provocative Fight Club, Hollywood has put out more thought-provoking movies than it sometimes releases in an entire year. And that doesn't even include Dogma and The Messenger, two movies coming out this weekend that actually attempt, with mixed results, to explore the nature of religious faith.

So it's hugely disappointing that the #1 movie this past weekend is the abominable, utterly stupid Bone Collector. If you've already seen this travesty of storytelling, you know what a waste of money it is. If not, reading to the end of this review might be giving the movie more time than it deserves.

The Bone Collector stars Denzel Washington as Lincoln Rhyme, a world-famous forensic detective who's paralyzed from the neck down. Distraught over his future, he's all set to commit suicide until Angelina Jolie comes into his life. Jolie plays Amelia Donaghy, a rookie cop who stumbles onto a crime scene and impresses Rhyme with her forensic work. Quickly realizing they've stumbled onto a cab-driving serial killer (the recurring theme of stolen bones is a dead giveaway), Rhyme convinces Donaghy to ignore her superior and work for him to solve the case. Amassing his old police buddies (Eddie Ortiz and Ed O'Neill), they set up shop in Rhyme's spacious New York apartment and proceed to assemble the clues and track down the weirdo who's terrorizing the Big Apple.

The narrative incongruities start early in Jeremy Lacone's screenplay. For openers, is the audience really supposed to believe that all Rhyme needs is a page number, a few specks of dust, and an old bolt to pinpoint not only where a victim is being held but how long they have till she's murdered ("we've only got two hours; we better hurry")? And when Donaghy is sent to investigate the crime scene, she's sent alone! Without any help at all! The killer is almost certainly nearby (the scary music tells us so), but the entire New York City Police Department is told to stay hundreds of yards away.

Furthermore, it's never clear why Rhyme thinks Donaghy, who has absolutely no crime scene experience, is the person to single-handedly investigate each gruesome murder. Weren't there any deputies in Rhyme's former unit he could trust? And speaking of Donaghy, has there ever been a female cop who looked so fantastic in her uniform? I had no idea the NYPD was offering custom tailoring these days.

The hopeless flaws in the story are further compounded by a superior officer who might be the stupidest jackass in movies this year ("that evidence is mine!" is one of his best lines), a nurse (Queen Latifah) who ministers to Lincoln around the clock (does she ever go home?), and a bed for Rhyme that would fit better in the new James Bond film.

All of this might be overlooked if the movie actually created some dramatic tension, but the plot is so predictable, right down to the manipulative exploitation of a young girl, that it makes The Love Boat seem positively innovative. The few moments that might possibly be frightening only cause the audience to scratch its collective head and ask, "Why is she doing that? Does it really make sense to be walking in a bombed-out basement with no one in shouting distance?" And the conclusion, where Rhyme confronts his killer with the only two movable body parts he has, is genuinely laughable.

What's even worse about The Bone Collector is that it wastes a wonderful set of acting performances. Washington is superb at conveying strength and emotion through his dialogue delivery and simple facial gestures. And Jolie does an admirable job of bringing gravity to a role that requires her to shoot at rats, create sexual tension by rubbing someone's finger, and finish off the movie by suddenly appearing in a tight-fitting cocktail dress. That she carries this off with dignity, even grace, is a testament to her acting chops as well as the strong chemistry she and Washington communicate on screen. Backing up the two leads are other admirable performances, particularly from Ortiz (Out of Sight) and O'Neill (Married with Children). Even Queen Latifah, who has to perform an incredible number of pointless reaction shots, salvages her part with aplomb.

But no matter how good the acting is, nothing can save The Bone Collector from a place on numerous Ten Worst Movies lists. Unfortunately, it won't find an equivalent place on the money list.

J. Robert Parks  11/8/99